How to politely decline uninvited spouses when you are hosting a business event?
Question: Need help from the Emily Post types…!
This is a business event being hosted by a nonprofit. We invited some VIP’s as our guests and clearly made the invitations individual to them only, addressed to their offices not their homes. But a couple responded back that they will attend with their wives! I think it was really rude of them to try to inflict uninvited guests on a small nonprofit with a tight budget, but how do we politely set this straight without offending important leaders in our profession?
No, we are not soliciting donations from these VIP’s. They are the only invited guests who are not paying, and other donors are paying for their seats. We can’t go back to the donors and ask them to ante up for someone’s uninvited spouse. And in this city and profession, business dinners of this nature are very common and spouses are never included… its a collegial thing for members of the profession.
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The event should have been strongly advertised as "EMPLOYEES ONLY-NO ADDITIONAL GUESTS, PLEASE", that might have made it clearer. Another way to eliminate additional guests would have been to issue only one ticket out to the employee whose name was on the list along with a letter stating that "THIS IS NOT A FAMILY AFFAIR. NO ONE WITHOUT A TICKET WILL BE ADMITTED: EMPLOYEES ONLY, NO EXCEPTIONS". Place cards could also have been used for meal service. Unfortunately, some people do not understand some business protocols. Therefore, they must be left with no alternatives.
Unfortunately there is no polite way to tell them their spouse was not invited.. Those who are bringing the wife/husband will find out on evening of the event when none of the other guests brought a spouse that they have made a regrettable mistake and (hopefully) be more careful in the future.
You may want to be a bit more obvious on your next invitation.. Perhaps with a RSVP that is clearly for 1..
Best of Luck to you..
The uninvited wives may be attending because they are very interested in your cause and want to help. So you might want to send out a second note to everyone who got the 1st one you sent. It should say something like this: We are happy to report that we have had significant interest in our _________________(name of event). As a result we are seeking additional volunteers to ______________ (whatever you need such as food donations, money donations, food preparation, cleanup, etc.) to make our __________________ a success.
Then call the uninvited to see if they can help. They may say no but if they don’t they could be a great help now and in the future. Good luck.
If you will be soliciting donations from those invited guests, it would be very rude to NOT invite their spouses. Next time, if the event is a business meeting, don’t host a dinner – host a business meeting.
If you will be soliciting donations, many couples do not make financial contributions without the input of their spouse.